Posted by: bkivey | 19 March 2010

The New Math

Something a little different today.

I found the “L.A. Math Test” while noodling around on the internet. Apparently some real teachers have gotten into trouble for using it in their classrooms. Reprinted below:

City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Exam

Name: _______________________
Gang: _______________________

1. Dwayne has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?

2. If Jose has two ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn’t cut it?

3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?

4. Jarome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of Heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?

5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4×4. If he has stolen 2 BMW’s and 3 4×4’s, how many Chevy’s will he have to steal to make $800?

6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will he have left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing her since she spent his money?

7. If the average spray paint can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?

8. Hector knocked up six girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?

This got me to wondering what a modern-day “D.C. Math Test” might look like, so I came up with one:

Washington D.C.

Math Proficiency Exam



 1. When a president takes office the unemployment rate is 8%. How many billions of dollars must they spend to increase the unemployment rate to 10%?

2. The Senate has 100 votes. If Senator A sells their vote for $100 million and Senator B sells their vote for $200 million, how much money is left in the Treasury to buy additional votes?

3. The president is pimping for a bill. If each speech takes one hour, and the president allocates 10 hours per week, how many speeches can they give in 12 months?

4. An evil insurance company wants to make a profit. How many people must the federal government enroll in the ‘public option’ before the insurance company goes out of business?

5. A UAW member is paid $65/hour in wages and benefits. How many UAW workers must a car company employ before they are taken over by the federal government?

6. An enemy combatant is taken to Guantanamo. How many years must the taxpayers pay for ACLU lawyers to file motions to move them to Illinois?

7. Sally is paying $400/month in heath care plan premiums. How many uninsured people with pre-existing conditions must her insurance company be forced to enroll before her insurance premium goes down by 3,000%?*

8. The auto industry makes up 3% of the U.S. economy and the medical industry 17% of the economy. What percentage of the economy would Barack Obama like to see under government control?

 * Actual figure cited by Barack Obama in a speech on 15 March 2010.



  1. Interesting. At least you are consistent. You are for such little government that you are willing to forego the constitution. See point 6. Hopefully, for your sake, you do not resemble a Mideastern person and run into trouble at the airport.

    • Hi Keith!

      Regarding item 6, I was not aware that the U.S. Constitution applied to non-U.S. citizens. It seems a bit presumptous for a foreign national to endanger American lives and then claim protection under the laws of the land that they are trying to harm.

      As a matter of fact, I have been taken aside for additional questioning at airports on several occasions, and I in no way resemble a person of Arabic descent. This questioning has included full-body and luggage searches. I found this not a little annoying until I realized that on each occasion I had been shooting the day before. Apparently some gunpowder residue had gotten on my luggage and remained on my person. Now I don’t go shooting for a couple of days before traveling.

      Still ‘clinging’ to guns and religion,


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