Posted by: bkivey | 14 January 2011

Neologisms

The Washington Post holds an annual contest in which readers submit neologisms. My sister forwarded the most recent list. Most are pretty good, some are a little lame, and some are very clever. Enjoy!

The first list consists of new definitions for existing words:

1. Coffee (n.),  the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over  how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope  of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an  explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6.  Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer  the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a  lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulance  (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run over by a  steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding  hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12.  Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted  by
proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian  proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation  with
Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular  demand): The belief that
when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and  gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer  shorts worn by
Jewish men..
The Washington Post’s Style  Invitational also asked readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter  it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new  definition.

Here are this year’s winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The  substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from  penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking  down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The  act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for  an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very,  very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic  wit and the
person who doesn’t get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take  coffee intravenously when you are running
late.

7. Hipatitis (n):  Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This  one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is  sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth  explodes and it’s
like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n..): The  grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are  good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12.  Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they  come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance  performed just after
you’ve accidentally walked through a spider  web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets  into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast  out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub  in
the fruit you’re eating.

And the pick of the  literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an  asshole.

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Responses

  1. Could I add some of my own collection?

    STASIS – implore female sibling to linger

    CHIPMUNK – Franciscan Fryer

    HERPES – Greek God of spots

    MONOTAMY – boring marriage

    MAHOGAMY – solid marriage

    SHITZU – ‘badly-kept wildlife park’

  2. Hi Rowland,

    Thanks for taking the time to read and offer some contributions. My favorites are #10 from the first list and #5 from the second list.

    Cheers!

    Blair

  3. Here’s a neologism I coined recently –

    UVULATION – the sound of a wail, howl or lament originating at the back of the mouth.

    Of course, in most jurisdictions, UVULATING IN PUBLIC is strictly forbidden

  4. Hi Eric,

    Thanks for reading and offering your contribution.

    Blair


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