Posted by: bkivey | 10 June 2011

The Dozens

Yo Mama’s so fat she gets her picture taken by satellite.

Yo Mama’s so fat she bleeds Crisco.

Yo Mama’s so fat she’s wanted by Jenny Craig in four states.

Yo Mama’s so fat it took me two bus trips to get on her good side.

Yo mama is so fat that she gets group insurance.

Yo mama is so fat that she’s on both sides of the family.

Yo mama is so fat that she went to the movie theatre and sat next to everyone.

Yo mama is so fat that she’s got her own area code.

Yo Mama is so fat that when she goes to the beach, people call Greenpeace.

10 Things Not To Say To A Guy

1. I can’t wait to see what you’re doing for my birthday.

2. Are you … crying?

3. If we leave right now, we’ll have time to stop by Bed Bath & Beyond.

4. Do you need help lighting the grill?

5. I’m putting this whole conversation on my blog.

6. You had so much hair back then!

7. I don’t care how big and drunk he is, he shouldn’t be talking through the movie. I’m going to say something.

8. Actually, it doesn’t happen to every guy.

9. We’re vegetarians now.

10. My dad can fix that; you should call him.

Word Watch

From the evergreen comedy field known as Craigslist:

Looking for someone who is able to help grow out my remodeling business
including modificate website, put on a good advertisement daily with craigslist, facebook and twitter.
Great commission guaranteed with possibly partnership.
Please respond to my email.

Modificate. Who knew?

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