Posted by: bkivey | 13 March 2014

Frere Jaques

I can be engaged in a task, and my brain seems to think it’s not fully employed, so parts of it go wandering off into the Concept Warehouse and start fooling around. At some time I’ll be presented with a concept that I was completely not thinking of. Sometimes I can turn these ideas into money, most of the time it’s entertainment. This is probably one of the entertainment times.

Frere Jaques is a French nursery rhyme taught to me by my French teacher mother. We were raised on French nursery rhymes and games, and in the 3rd through 5th grades I took French on a weekly basis. Language is a ‘use it or lose it’ proposition, and I could not now hold a conversation in French if I had to; I would do much better with Spanish.  I can recognize French when I see it, and tend to pronounce some words in the French fashion (see ‘foyer’).

For some reason my brain decided to start riffing on Frere Jaques, and so we have:

INT Hollywood producers office. Two writers pitching a movie.

“It’s high concept. A monk in the 18th century has to keep his town from getting blown up. Think Speed.


“Yeah. If the abbey bells don’t keep ringing, a bomb will go off. The hero suffers from, what do you call it. He falls asleep.”


“Yeah, that’s it. He’s narcoleptic. Anyway, if this guy can’t defuse the bomb, the town will get blown up.”

“What do the bells have anything to do with the bomb?”

“There’s a warlord outside of town. Think Clint Eastwood in ‘High Plains Drifter’. Bells don’t ring; town goes boom.”

“Does this monk have any explosives knowledge?”

“We’ll address that in production. Important thing: he falls asleep at the drop of a hat.”

“What’s the love interest? We have to address the 18 – 34 female demographic.”

“I have a name. Lea Michelle. She’s hot and she fits the part.”

“Who’s directing?”

“Micheal Bay”

“I’ll greenlight the script.”

And 18 months later:

Frere Jaque Movei Poster

Trailer #1

V/O: In a world of chanting monks and ringing bells, one man remains undisturbed.

Frere Jaques

Matins. Lauds. Vespers.

Frere Jaques

Unperturbed. Undisturbed. Unawake.

Frere Jaques

Sonnez les matines; indeed.

Trailer #2

Int. bar 18th century France. Two young people having a pint.

“So, how’s the album going?”

“Not so good. I’ve been stuck on some songs. A & R had to bring in a tunesmith to polish some lyrics.”

“Who’d they get?”

“I’m glad you’re sitting down. They brought in Frere motherfucking Jaques!”

“Get the fuck out! Frere “The Sleeper” Jaques?! I didn’t know he was with the label.”

“Neither did I! Man, I was like, totally awestruck!”

“That must have been awesome!”

“It was. He’s everything you’ve heard. I’m sure at least one song will top the charts.”

V/O: Ding. Dang. Dong. Coming soon to a monastery near you.

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