Posted by: bkivey | 13 January 2016

Amazon and Weight

I ordered some things from Amazon, and they’ve been pushing something called Amazon Prime. Don’t know what that is; can’t be bothered to check. Anyway, when you get to checkout, you have a choice. Standard shipping or expedited shipping if you sign up with Amazon Prime. Trying to stay off the corporate radar as much as is practicable, I opted for standard shipping. And you’d think that the selections would be just that: Standard or Expedited shipping. But they aren’t. The choices are: ‘Fast, Free Shipping’, and ‘No, I don’t want Fast, Free Shipping’.

WTF?

When my brain saw that, it started to riff, as brains are wont to do. I could see Amazon going full R. Lee Ermy on me.

‘You don’t want FAST FREE SHIPPING?! What the hell kind of mental idgit midget are you?! We’re offering you FAST FREE SHIPPING! FAST FREE SHIPPING! You must be some kind of mental microwit to turn down FAST FREE SHIPPING! I have never, in all my born days, seen anyone refuse FAST FREE SHIPPING. Is the concept of FAST FREE SHIPPING just a little too complex for you?Are you unable to grasp the idea? It’s FAST FREE SHIPPING!

Yes, sometimes the world is more interesting inside my head.

Word Watch

Weight. As in jewelry.  This seems like a term I’ve heard before, but I like it. You can see where it derives it’s provenance.

‘Hey man, I like your weight.’

‘Ill be right with you; let me put on my weight’.

It’s a little surprising to me that the term isn’t firearm related. Or maybe it is, and the White folks don’t know yet. The common term for carrying is ‘carrying’, or ‘packing’, or if you’re fans of The Wire, ‘tooling up’.

‘Hold up while I put on my weight’.

‘He’s got some weight’.

It could be a trend.

 

 

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